She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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