i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize