i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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