so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You ate ashes out of my bong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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