Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
