i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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