you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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