Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize