will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
