Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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