were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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