i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
