I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize