i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
