Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
