My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They have beer where we have blood.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize