I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
