i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
