Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
