I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
