he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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