five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
