You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
