Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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