My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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