i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize