Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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