using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
