We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
