Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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