bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
