I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
