she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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