Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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