it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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