I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize