Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if only i could text you this smell
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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