My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
