I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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