Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
