You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
