your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
