Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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