I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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