Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
