I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
