dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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