Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
