Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
