things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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