Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize