I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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