At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
