So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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