I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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