So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
