she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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