Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
