My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
