I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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