thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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