Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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