It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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