Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
