You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
